When I was asked to attend a party for our good friend here, my first response was disbelief. I was positive that Corey’s birthday is not February 3. It’s not even in this great month. While I still have not seen any evidence to prove me wrong, we may as well celebrate his birth on this day as any other. Allow me to suggest sometime warmer for next year, perhaps August.
I did a lot of research to prepare for this speech. I did not, however, verify the reliability of any of my sources, so I refuse to take responsibility for any of the facts presented in this speech. Furthermore, most of my research involved jungle cats, as I was originally mislead when this was proposed to me.
Corey Kranz, daughter of Roberto Clemente Kranz and Alberta Canada Kranz, was born in an unknown year in what most scientists believe was the Amazon jungle. Some Kranzologists argue that the birth actually took place on the moon, but this cannot determined for certain. It is unlikely, as the consensus is that jaguars cannot survive on the moon long enough to give birth.
According to this graph I found, Corey grew older as time went on. Some see this as evidence that Corey was born on the moon, but more competent scientists had not yet been reached for comment when I composed this speech. In my opinion, the graph speaks for itself. The bottom axis technically refers to average panther lifespan, but the comparison is appropriate.
In 1997 Corey was sighted in the forests south of Minneapolis and captured. He was domesticated and then sent to the University of Minnesota for study. He is expected to graduate sometime.
And that’s all the information I could find. In conclusion, Corey is great. Thank you.
